I did a lot with this website, I overhauled as much as I could with the homepage and this blog page. More will come soon but I'll probably need to stop for tomorrow because I have to continue college. I'm afraid I have a lot of stuff to do but I don't really want to check. But, ugh, there is too much of this blue lol. I need to make a color palette and start adding variety.
I'll slowly fill in the rest of the pages and deprecate the old website. I have it backed up just incase, but I got weirded out by the formatting and styling. The borders tried to be too asymmetrical and things weren't organized well.
I haven't really been feeling any more secure lately. I think that's the part of growing up is feeling irrational fear when your liable for so much. When your in your younger teen years you feel untouchable, because your superior than your old self, while also not having any major responsibilities like an adult. The biggest thing for me is I just need to tell myself that I am okay, nothing bad is happening, nothing is going to happen that is bad. I should just relax, take things easily and not be so harsh on myself. You can't achieve everything in a day, some days are more productive than others, some days we want to do certain things and that is okay. Everything is going to be okay.
I'm not going to move all my old entries over to here, seems a bit much and although I could do it, I think it's better to start anew. Ugh, I always write late. I know it makes sense to me because it's the end of the day, but I don't want to be sleep deprived again, but at the same time I want to write. Even though I don't think many people are even reading this, just the idea I'm putting my thoughts out on a domain makes me feel good. It feels like an accomplishment, that I'm unburdening my thoughts somewhere.
I wish I could talk about how I feel to my family, but I don't know how I would. If I do, even, they end up not caring. I think I seem like I complain, but I'm just really uncertain and I keep getting an irrational fear of things.
If you could take anything from this, try talking with someone in real life. I feel like although it can help at times to talk to people online, it makes a difference to be with someone physically. You don't need to stare in the eyes, or be super close, just hear the voice, feel the environment, be in the present.