I talked with a girl that I have seen from time to time. She is really lonely. I didn't realize how lonely she was until I talked with her today. She isn't from around the state I am in, she feels overwhelmed, not many people to reach out to. When I spoke to her, I felt something in me that was different from talking with other girls. I think it was like seeing someone so lonely and yet afraid to reach out, like someone covered in rose bushes. She looked really timid and even ashamed of how she felt, but I empathized with her. I offered my number and told her she can talk to me anytime she wants, no reason needed. Not because I pitied her, but she seems really genuine, like someone who is really sweet and deserves more. I offered to help her find like minded friends, too, because I know I can't just be her only source to talk to.
Despite this, I think I began to like her. I sometimes don't like to think that way about people I just met because it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of their loneliness. But I remember meeting her in art club, my first time going to it too. She seemed different, in the sense that she didn't dress the same as other girls or really act similarly either. When I talked with her when we were painting, she actually blew away my expectations. She is really nice, and she seems to have an interest in art and creative stuff, which is something I really like too. She just needs someone to talk to, and she can express herself in a lot of cool ways. What kind of surprised me, though, is how people don't seem to notice her. In a way, it felt special being one of the few to acknowledge someone who has potential.
I have been going out with a girl recently, getting to know her and watching stuff, but I just don't..feel something. I don't feel a vigor like I do when I talk with the other girl, things feel stagnant. Both are great people, but it makes me feel sick. I am going to continue being with her, maybe I just need to develop my feelings. It makes me feel so rotten talking like this, it makes me feel like I am degrading these two girls down to "one that gives me more joy than the other", but I don't want to see it that way. The way that the art club girl looks at me, they are like eyes of hope, like there is life that wants to make contact. I want to learn, too.
I am still unsure, but maybe I got the wrong girl.