I'm in another moody-mindset right now, mostly because I just feel so insignificant with my work. I almost went on a tangent but I caught myself, lol. Okay, here is my problem: I am super, SUPER hard on myself when it comes to the quality of the stuff, to the point where I will just either quit or never release what I finish. I never thought myself as a perfectionist, but now that I think about it I most certaintly am. I take one look at my art that I spend an hour or two on, and I mean just the lineart stage, and I think "ugh, I hate it." I have so much god damn art that is just incomplete. Is it because I procrastinate? Absolutely. Is it because I distract myself with YouTube or a show or reading a post on a forum? That too. However, it really just comes down to my mind. I legitimately bully myself over my art. I have gotten better, but I still feel insignificant to my peers and the artists I look up to. The biggest thing holding me back is my mind.
Honestly, after some retrospect, I think I am just so used to quick results, since I would do simpler illustrations, but now I want high fidelity, high quality illustrations. The weird thing is I am really good at analog art, like painting and drawing/inking, and I can finish my work. I honestly feel like it could be the distracting nature of using a computer, but also with the expectations of what I make being higher (i.e. higher detail).
The biggest thing for me, I think, is that I just need to relax. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and set my priorities. I am closing in on my semester, and I should be focusing on my assignments more. I need to study more, because it makes me feel good, and I should go out with friends more. I think as of late I have been way more chronically online to cope with the changes of my life. It is really bad, and I need to break these habits ASAP.
So here is another terrible I have, that I still am trying to break, which is me absolutely disconnecting from work and college. This has its perks like not needing to stress out about stuff, and being able to genuinely relax. The cons of this, however, are that I just tend to forget that I have homework or assignments to do (not.. good..). This originated from highschool, when I was in Senior year, and I was absolutely done with school. I was hit with huge amounts of apathy, and felt a big disconnect from the people around me (this was my fault, not anyone elses). I think this is going away, even if just slowly.
Well, imma wrap this up. Today wasn't so bad, and every day I think I am getting better about having control over myself.